Exemplar Coaching

Live by Design, Not by Default.

CoffeeChat 52 – Cold Shoulder

Edition  52

Cold Shoulder

Last Edition Recap
How have you applied the last edition to your life?
Opening Prayer
Lord, no one has suffered more loss than you have—teach us to stay strong and never turn our back on you. Amen.
Introduction
The phrase “giving someone the cold shoulder” comes from a medieval custom of serving unwelcome guests cold meat from the shoulder rather than a hot meal—a clear message they weren’t wanted. We’ve perfected this art with God. When life goes wrong, when prayers seem unanswered, when suffering strikes, we turn away. We blame him. We nurse our grudges like precious treasures.
For centuries, God has been blamed for everything—from catastrophic tragedies to the smallest inconveniences. Whenever we feel hard-done by, blame-shifting becomes our default. Yet here’s the paradox: the very people holding grudges against God are often the ones he’s actively trying to help. T.D. Jakes captured it perfectly: “We cannot embrace God’s forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges.”
The question isn’t whether God has given us the cold shoulder—it’s why we keep giving it to him.
Chat Point 1
  1. What makes people turn away from God, and have you witnessed this in your own life or others’?
  2. Why do you think God continues reaching out to us even when we turn against him?
  3. How do grudges—whether against people or God—manifest in your everyday life?
  4. Does God help those who don’t believe in him, and if so, why would he bother?
  5. How do the grudges you hold affect you personally, your relationships, and your connection with God?
Read
Luke 15:1-7
Key Focus
Luke 15:4 – “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?”
Chat Point 2
  1. What stood out for you in this passage?
  2. What does this parable reveal about God’s character and priorities?
  3. Why do you think Jesus chose to tell this particular story about a lost sheep?
  4. Who does the lost sheep represent, and how does holding a grudge make us “lost”?
  5. How has God proved—both historically through Jesus and currently in your life—that he actively pursues those who’ve turned away from him?
Final Thought
When we give God the cold shoulder, we assume we’re the ones in control—that our grudge somehow punishes him or protects us. But Luke 15:4 shatters this illusion. The shepherd doesn’t shrug at the one missing sheep, content with his ninety-nine. He leaves them all to search for the one who’s wandered off.
That’s us. We’re the lost sheep who’ve turned away, nursing our wounds, clutching our grievances, convinced God has failed us. Yet whilst we’re busy giving him the cold shoulder, he’s actively searching the wilderness for us. He proved it at the cross—leaving heaven’s glory to pursue humanity that had turned its back on him.
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found, was blind, but now I see.” The hymn writer understood what we often forget: being found isn’t about our clever navigation back to God. It’s about a relentless Shepherd who refuses to give up the search, even when we’re the ones who wandered off.
The cold shoulder we give God is met with warm arms that never tire of reaching
My Action
What key insight or learning from this session resonates most with me, and what do I sense God is inviting me to do in response?
Shared Prayer
What are your prayer requests?​
Closing Prayer
Lord, we are so important to you that you died for us—give us the courage to make you the most important part of our lives. Amen.
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In-Between Chats: Personal Reflection
  1. Read the full lyrics of “Amazing Grace” (below) alongside Luke 15—what does God’s relentless pursuit of you personally mean, and how should you respond?
  2. If you’re honest with yourself, what grudges are you holding (against God or others), and how are they keeping you “lost” rather than found?
  3. How does humanity blame God and turn away from him in everyday life, and in what ways might you be doing this without realising it?
"Amazing Grace" - John Newton, 1779
  1. Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
    That saved a wretch like me!
    I once was lost, but now am found;
    Was blind, but now I see.
  2. ’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
    And grace my fears relieved;
    How precious did that grace appear
    The hour I first believed.
  3. Through many dangers, toils, and snares,
    I have already come;
    ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
    And grace will lead me home.
  4. The Lord has promised good to me,
    His Word my hope secures;
    He will my Shield and Portion be,
    As long as life endures.
  5. Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
    And mortal life shall cease,
    I shall possess, within the veil,
    A life of joy and peace.
  6. The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
    The sun forbear to shine;
    But God, who called me here below,
    Will be forever mine.
  7. When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
    Bright shining as the sun,
    We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
    Than when we’d first begun.
Edition Writer: Rev Kevin Zondagh

Methodist Minister, Personal Development Specialist, Life Coach, Relationship Coach and Executive Coach. Founder and Owner of Exemplar Coaching Pty Ltd and CoffeeChatConnect. "We should have the desire to custom design the only life we have. After-all, we buy designer everything. How much more should we Live by Design, not by default?"